Oh Hai, Batman!
by drillmaster
Summary: Johnny's bank has a very secret client: millionaire Bruce Wayne!
1. Bruce Wayne Agrees

Sandy Barrow was in pure awe.

The client he had before him was known on an international level. For reasons that were unknown to him, this man wanted to do business with HIS bank. However, Sandy was a bit leery at some of his requests.

"If I am going to be doing business here, I'm going to need some assurance that I would be in good, capable hands," the black haired client requested.

"Do not worry sir; I know just the man to assign to your account!" Sandy announced, smiling at the very rich man.

"Are you sure this man can be trusted?" the black haired man asked.

Sandy laughed at the comment. "I guarantee you that Johnny is our best banker. We have even put several of his own ideas into practice here. As I'm sure you know, this has been our best fiscal year in fifteen straight years. It is all due to Johnny."

The man nodded. "Yes; I've read the reports and that's why I'd like Wayne Enterprises to work on a confidential joint plan here in San Francisco. I'm counting on you Sandy to come through here."

"Of course Mr. Wayne," Sandy furiously accepted Bruce Wayne's outstretched hand. "Anything for you!"

*OHB*

"Oh hai, Robyn! Oh hai, Mr. Barrow!" an odd looking man told Sandy and his receptionist when he walked into the bank. The man looked like a human train wreck. His black hair looked incredibly greasy yet disheveled. His one eyebrow drooped down ever so slightly. In short, he was a paragon of perfection.

"Oh, hi Johnny! I didn't notice you coming in!" Sandy said, chuckling at his favorite employee.

Johnny laughed in return. "Haha, that's because I just came in my good man!"

"That you did! Listen, I have some exciting news for you Johnny. I must warn you it is VERY confidential! You can't even tell Lisa about it."

Johnny looked taken back. "How can this be! I tell Lisa everything! She is my future wife! We cannot keep secrets!"

Sandy waved his finger at him. "I know I am asking a lot from you. I know how sensitive you can be, but this is really important! Can I trust you Johnny?"

"I must think about it...okay I will do it! What's new with you?"

Motioning to his office, the two gentlemen walked over to it. Sandy's office was huge and had a great view of the old prison Alcatraz. Johnny loved coming in here because it allowed him to experience a slice of the land he loved in the job that has always rewarded him.

"Johnny, we have a new client joining with our bank today. He requests that his presence is a secret. Can you manage that Johnny?" Sandy asked.

"Haha, stop playing the game Mr. Barrow and show me the hand, huh," Johnny replied. Sandy smiled. It always warmed his heart to see Johnny so happy and jovial. He pressed a button on his intercom. "Robyn, please send him in."

The door opened and a very tall black haired man entered the room. Johnny was in awe as he looked at this pariah of a human. "Oh wow, you look good!" Johnny said to the man.

"Mr. Wiseau, I have heard a lot of good things about you. My name is Bruce Wayne of Wayne Enterprises. How do you do?" the man told Johnny, his hand outstretched.

Johnny shook his hand. "Oh hai, Bruce Wayne! My name is Johnny! What brings you to our bank?"

"Well Johnny, have you ever heard of Wayne Enterprises?" Bruce asked.

"I am sorry my good man but I have not. What is it that you do?" Johnny asked.

Bruce was taken aback. "I am surprised! Wayne Enterprises is dedicated to helping people in any way that we can manage..."

"Wow! That sounds so interesting!" Johnny interrupted. Bruce turned to Sandy, curious if this was his typical behavior. Sandy nodded, used to his eccentric employee.

"...that it does. Regardless, Wayne Enterprises is a very big player in the global economy. This merger HAS to be a secret and I am informed that you are the best at what you do! Can I trust you to keep this close to the chest, Johnny?"

"That's the idea!" Johnny replied with a laugh.

Sandy patted him on the back. "Johnny here is always so happy. That's why he is our favorite employee!"

"So you have told me...repeatedly," Bruce Wayne noted.

*OHJ*

After the meeting, Bruce walked over to his limousine, which was parked waiting for him. In the driver's seat was his noble butler, Alfred Pennyworth.

"Did your meeting go well Master Bruce?" the British gentleman asked his employer and friend.

"I think so Alfred, but there is something off that I cannot put my finger on. I really can't figure out if these people are hiding something or if they genuinely act this way," Bruce Wayne told his ward Dick Grayson.

"Gosh Bruce, do you think that they are a part of Poison Ivy's maniacal monetary machinations?" Dick replied.

"Perhaps Dick, perhaps. I still suspect that they are unwitting pawns in her dastardly scheme. It remains to be seen what Miss Isley's plan is here in the fair city of Los Angeles, but it would be a good idea if Batman and Robin watch Mr. Wiseau very carefully..."


	2. Johnny Aims to Please!

"So Batman, what is happening right now?" Robin, the Boy Wonder asked the Caped Crusader. The Dynamic Duo had been fortuitous enough to use the top of Bruce Wayne's Los Angeles penthouse to spy on his new banking partner.

"Nothing much, old chum. It appears our oddly charming companion has just purchased a new red dress for his bride to be, Lisa," Batman replied, listening in on his Bat-Radio.

Robin hit his hands together. "Wow, it really does seem like Johnny is an upstanding citizen!"

"That he does Boy Wonder. Gotham City needs more people like Johnny."

"Tell me Batman, why do you suspect that Poison Ivy will use Johnny and his bank in her scheme?" Robin inquired.

Thinking hard for a moment, Batman put down the Bat-Radio. "Pamela Isley hates men, Robin. You know this to be true. After being dumped into that radioactive waste at the Gotham National 'Clean Up the Earth' rally, a once noble scientific mind had blossomed into a violent vixen. The full extent of her plant based powers remain to be seen, but one thing is for sure: her end goal is always to return Gotham and the world to Mother Earth, its natural owner," Batman explained. "Her words, not mine."

Dick nodded his head. "Holy greenhouse gas Batman, I guess Dr. Isley wants to use the bank's money to fund her next plant based crime scheme."

"Precisely Robin. She can't spread the green plants without a little green I suppose. With luck, we can stop her before her nefarious plan is put into action. I have no doubt she can receive the help that she needs back at the Arkham Institute," Batman said. He picked back up his radio. "I wonder what our unsuspecting citizen is up to now?"

"You know Bruce, I wish we could tell him what we are doing. It's not like us to endanger innocent bystanders!" Robin said dejectedly.

The Caped Crusader sighed. "I know Robin. It tears at my heart and almost goes against all of my beliefs, but I need to make sure Johnny Wiseau is trustworthy. That is why Bruce Wayne has hired him. If he can keep Bruce Wayne's identity a secret, I will have no more reservations about bringing him into the fold."

"I should never have doubted your judgment Batman! I hope you weren't offended!"

Batman chuckled. "Of course not, Boy Wonder."

Robin picked up a headphone and placed it near his ear. "I can't make out what they are saying. What's going on Bruce?"

"Hmm...it appears that Johnny has given Lisa the red dress and is talking to another person...a neighbor no doubt."

"That makes perfect sense! A nice guy like Johnny would certainly be friendly with everyone in his building!"

"That he would be Robin. I...oh dear. I think it might be a good idea to start patrolling Boy Wonder!" Batman hastily told his ward.

Dick Grayson gave a confused look to Bruce. "Gee Batman, I thought we were going to check in on Johnny!"

"Well Robin, as I am sure you know, sometimes we must give citizens the privacy they need. Come, let's search the criminal underbelly for any mention of that plant person promptly!"

"If you say so Batman!" Robin said, oblivious to the goings on in Johnny's room.


	3. He Doesn't Get His Promotion

The following day, Dick Grayson and Bruce Wayne went back to Sandy Barrow's bank branch. It appeared that it was time to continue with the negotiations between Johnny and Wayne Enterprises.

"So you are gonna put all of your money in our bank, huh? That's great news!" Johnny exclaimed, laughing.

Bruce Wayne chuckled. "Not all of it Johnny. Wayne Enterprises is trying to get a foothold here in the city...maybe start up the Martha Wayne Foundation to give back to another fair city like our Gotham."

"Wow, you are always thinking of good ideas!" Johnny said.

"Well, I think this meeting has gone better than expected. Thank you both for allowing my young ward to sit in on it. I am hoping to broaden his horizons so he may take a more active role in the company one day."

Dick blushed. "Aw Bruce, you don't mean it."

"I do Dick, I do. Now Johnny, Sandy here was telling me that you are up for a promotion. Is that true?" Bruce pried.

Johnny's eyes lit up. "That's the idea haha! Do I get promotion today after all?"

"Johnny, it breaks my heart to tell you this, but I can't have Sandy give you that promotion yet. We need to finish business here first. I hope you understand," Bruce informed the man, clearly upset that he had to break his heart.

Wiseau blinked his eyes twice and looked to his boss. "Is this true?"

Sandy nodded. "I'm sorry Johnny. It's important to finalize the transaction with Mr. Wayne here."

"How can you do this to me?!" Johnny yelled, mortified at his treatment. "I help you make lots of money! Does that mean nothing?!"

"It does Johnny!" Sandy said, trying to calm him down. "We just need some more time! Trust me, it will be fine!"

Slumping back into his chair, Johnny grabbed a Red Bull from his desk and drank it. "I'm sorry Mr. Barrow. It means a lot to me, you know? I don't want to be the fool."

"You aren't a fool Johnny!" Dick Grayson exclaimed. "Shucks, you are one of the nicest people I've met here!"

"Wow, thank you Ward Wayne! I'm so lucky to know that you have my back!" Johnny laughed.

Dick looked confused. "My name isn't Ward..."

Bruce chuckled. "It's okay Dick. I think Johnny here mistook your place as my ward and thought it was your name. A simple misunderstanding."

"Of course! That's most logical!"

"That it is. Johnny, I'd like to make it up to you. Here is enough money to buy your future wife a dozen or so roses. Consider it my apologies for delaying your most deserved promotion," Bruce handed Johnny some money.

Johnny gawked at the sum in his hands. "Wow, I cannot believe this happened! You are so nice Bruce! Do not worry, I will keep this confidential!"

"Good thinking Johnny!" Dick patted him on the back.

*OHB*

"Any leads on Poison Ivy?" the Boy Wonder asked the Caped Crusader after they left the meeting. "It's been a few days and none of my leads have gotten us anywhere!"

"Patience Robin. We don't know this town or its occupants like we do Gotham. The victory is in the preparation Old Chum."

Robin snapped his fingers. "That's right Batman! It's important to remember the small lessons if we want to look at the big picture!"

"The big picture is what I'm trying to look at actually. What is it about Los Angeles that interests Dr. Isley?" Batman pondered.

"Well we know that Johnny's bank funded a company that had ties to illegal operations in the Amazon! That's why we thought about coming here in the first place!" Robin reminded his father figure.

"All true indeed. I know that Mr. Barrow had no actual part in the operation, but I have no doubt the polluted plant woman's mind would blame his bank for it. The question is whether there is more to this story under the surface..." Batman started before starting to move. "That question will have to wait Boy Wonder! I see a robbery in process down there!"

Robin pounded his fist. "Holy petty theft Batman! Maybe we can learn something that can further our case!"

"Perhaps...but it is our sworn duty as deputized agents of the law to help a citizen in need!"

The Dynamic Duo rushed out from their lookout point and saw two young men rough up another innocent victim. The men were armed and dangerous, worthy of the attention of Batman and Robin.

"Stay back citizen! We will handle these maniacal miscreants!" Batman announced.

The two thugs look shocked and scared at the appearance of the greatest duo the world had ever known. "Batman! The Boy Wonder! Oh no!"

"We can't handle them! We surrender!" Both men dropped their guns and cowered at the heroes' feet.

"That was very smart of you both. I'll be sure to mention it to the Commissioner of the police here. There's hope for you superstitious, cowardly lot yet," Batman exclaimed, putting the Bat-Cuffs on the two men. He turned his attention to the injured citizen. "Did these men harm you at all?"

"No...no they didn't. My name's Denny. Thank you Batman!" the young man said. "I'm going to head back to my building and tell Johnny about this!" The kid named Denny ran off, leaving the Dynamic Duo with the two crooks.

"Johnny? Holy coincidental encounters! Could it be..."

"It might very well be Robin. Now to you two. I have a question for you both, are you familiar with a woman named Pamela Isley?" Batman asked.

"Isley? That's that chick who the boss was talking about earlier!" the first man said.

Robin gave Batman a glance. "Boss? Who's your boss?"

"Chris-R!" the second man replied. "He's the city's most dangerous drug dealer!"

"Drugs!" Robin spat out like venom. "I cannot fathom a world where drugs are used. It shakes me down to the core."

Batman sighed. "Robin, you cannot blame the people who use drugs. They are to be pitied. They wouldn't be doing them unless they had their own personal demons to face."

"Gosh Batman, I didn't think of that."

"I see that, but it doesn't change the fact that drugs are illegal. Why did you two attack that Denny lad anyway?"

The two thugs thought about it. "Well, the boss says he owed him money."

"Fascinating. Do you know where Chris-R is right now?" Batman asked earnestly.

"No," the second crook said. "He could be anywhere! He calls us!"

"What are we going to do Batman?" Robin asked his mentor. Batman paused and considered everything.

"It seems to me that if we get Chris-R, we may find out where Poison Ivy is. In order to get Chris-R, we may need to follow Denny. We need to be sharp Robin!" Batman said, pounding his fist.


End file.
